I had my first taste of culture shock this week. A reading assignment for class was "Gender Relations in Tonga" by Kerry James, a very interesting article about ancient and modern Tongan society. I have always been fascinated by gender roles and this reading was very enlightening for me. As I read the article I had several questions about Tongan values. (Why do women have an unchallengeable sacred significance while the men have political authority? Are gender roles, particularly womens', being eroded over time? Which has more authority, 'eiki/tradition or the Constitution? Why does income influence authority in a predominantly Christian society? What is Tongan femininity?) Those are only a few of the questions that I had from the reading.
The most surprising or unfamiliar role is that of the fahu. Don't get me wrong, having that power over my siblings would be great! I am the designated fahu of my family after all... But I was confused as to why the fahu, or husband's sister, had jurisdiction over his wife. Not only was the authority there, but also a unique place in his heart. As Tonga is predominantly Christian, a large percentage being LDS, I was confused as to why the family would be structured this way. I have been taught all of my life that husbands and wives are equal partners, a team. The triangle between the husband, wife and fahu seems strange and unnatural to me. But that doesn't mean it's wrong.
The role of the fahu has stood the test of time, and for whatever reason, it works in the Tongan society. She is a matriarch over the family, guiding and nurturing. In a way, it makes perfect sense. There were plenty of times in my childhood when I wanted to talk to someone besides my parents. A wise counselor that wouldn't judge or decide for me. There were times when I would have really loved and needed my fahu. This realization has shown me that no matter how foreign other cultures might seem, there is always a function. It works for those people, and it's important to try to relate. There is always a lesson to be learned.
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